Vampire’s Kiss

What the fuck is this accent? It starts out in posh 80’s New York but he sounds like he’s in a British period piece. I think he thinks he’s British. 

Nicky seems like he’s an affluent publisher and does really well with the ladies, but he gets bit super quick by a lady vampire. Dangers of the job I guess. 

The whole rest of the movie he slowly slips into vampire insanity. Shit starts to get really insane. The vamp lady that bit him keeps coming back for more and Nicky is now convinced that he’s a vampire too and starts sleeping under his sofa because hey, who owns a coffin any more right?

He’s jumping on desks, he’s yelling and pointing at people, he’s clapping and stomping, he’s making up faux accents like fucking Moira Rose, he’s trashing his swanky apartment, he’s having blowout arguments with his therapist and striking Peter Pan power poses, he’s opening his eyes inexplicably wide, he’s as Cagey as Cage gets! This is his truest form.

Didn’t like that he chased his assistant around the building and into the lady’s room; that was weird. She had a gun, so she’s fine, but he chases her a lot. A good portion of this movie seems to be about Nic tormenting his secretary.

Uh, he eats a live cockroach. Holy shit. They actually shot that. Nicky ate a real living cockroach to make this movie. Fuck. 

Shit continues to spiral and he fulfills his vampire dreams while wearing Halloween vampire teeth, then towards the very end it feels a lot like American Psycho and it seems like not only is he not a vampire, but he’s completely insane and has just been wandering the streets this whole time.

Nic to his very sane and rational psychiatrist:

<Recites entire alphabet loudly> I’ve never misfiled a single document, not once!! <strikes two different Peter Pan power poses>

Peter Loew, Publishing Executive

Verdict: 💯 Must Watch

DIRECTOR: Robert Bierman
YEAR: 1988
RATING: R
RUN TIME: 1h 43min
FUN FACT: Nicky had to eat a live cockroach twice to get the take and the whole thing was his idea to actually eat it. He also got a call from the animal rights folks saying it was inhumane, but retorted “do you not have a can of Raid under the sink in your house?”. Burned 🔥